look at me go

i’m already working on page 43. it helps when i already have the dialogue ready to go, the storyline. then i can get to work faster.

plus i need to stay off of facebook because i’m starting trouble over there. or that’s what it feels like to introverted me when i speak out about something i feel strongly about. well, my brother hasn’t unfriended me yet….

i love the way the page looks when it is all just clean little lines like this. my next step…who can say it with me? ink & then more ink! yes. i do ink brush shading & tones next. then i finish by roughing up & darkening some of those clean little lines.

so that’s what i’m posting today. the clean page 43 before i ink the crap out of it.

sylvia plath, lynda barry, and a sheep named tyler durden

i am going to get some pages of moses jones done. i really really am. i have been busy…a bit suicidal…depressed…and busy.

i would be lying if i said i had been working on this zine that i started by drawing the cover. although i have worked a bit on an essay about john irving and also lynda barry. but that is all. and i did this journal page thinking about doing some ink brush paintings of livestock:

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livestock!
so now i have ten chickens and four sheep. i have a tendency to just wing it in many areas of my life. like i never seem to get adequate directions, do not have a smart phone or gps, yet constantly set out on adventures saying, “we’ll find it.” so i got chickens before i had a coop built. i got dogs before making sure my chickens would not be harassed by them. and i got sheep before i had a fenced pasture. long story short. i have lost one rooster to an over-zealous herd dog and have poisoned one sheep by not researching very well and just thinking, “it’ll be fine.” strange that someone as neurotic as me would be so okay with winging it. but i am. another example of my oxymoronity.

we named our sheep after favorite characters from favorite movies. i got to name the ram. i really wanted to name him tyler durden…but decided on harold (from harold & maude) because i was afraid a sheep named tyler durden might be prone to fighting as well as challenging the status quo. but harold the ram got really sick after eating something (acorns? toxic lambsquarters? too much chicken food?) and was looking awful. so i re-re-named him tyler durden and “drenched” (which means to force liquids on–not to douse with a hose!) him with apple cider vinegar and began my journey towards being a holistic shepherd.

but it is my depression more than anything that has crippled my creative process. i read something recently that said that depression is “living in the past.” you know, with anxiety being “living in the future.” i can see that…but my problem is my depression is a current event. i am very unhappy–not with my homestead…but with my live-in ex-husband. aka dusty knickers. he is happy to live at my folks place, contributing only when he sees the whites of my eyes, and otherwise playing video games and being a pain in the ass. i don’t know how to get him to move on…move out…move! i have come to peace with some things–like that it is not my job to let him know he is an asshole…but i do not know how to find peace with him always here. always being dusty.

but i have not taken the sylvia plath route. mostly because of what it would do to my kids. i decided that suicide is something best done when you are young and childless. i passed my open window of opportunity in 1998 (the last time i seriously contemplated suicide but ended up marrying some guy i just met instead. marriage & suicide are on about the same level for me, i guess. ha!) now i have four kids and have to commit to being here no matter how painful it is.

yay.

so i’m putting together this zine. you can be in it if you want. right now it is in a very loose stage of development. but, you know, art–poetry–essays.
and i’m still working on all my other projects: moses jones, lizard brain, whimsy, one up on sylvia plath, space aliens & serial killers…. kids, homestead, survival, etc. you know the drill. and reading, always reading. i totally recommend david wong. but most recently i finally read lynda barry’s notes of an accidental professor. as you may or may not know, i attended uw where she teaches, but somehow i never made it into her class despite her being an early influence for my comics. self-sabotage? fear of my heroes? just plain goofy? we had a nodding acquaintance, mostly because i took my kids to her monthly drawing jams…but i never became soul sisters with her even though my inner geek dreamed of this.
it’s a regret i have.
so i’m sending her a postcard.
you know, a moses jones postcard.
(who knows, maybe she will be my best friend forever after all.) a postcard, and then i will close that chapter and open a new one.

i’m here i’m here i’m here i’m here!

let’s recap.
last summer, a year ago this week, i was homeless for a month and a half while waiting for our new apartment to open up.
then at the new year, i packed up my four minions and moved two hours north of dusty to a different home.
then, this spring, my landlord/housemate asked me to leave so she could have the place to herself.
and i moved again.
this time to another state, to my childhood home, with dusty & the minions.
i wasn’t ready to live with dusty again.
but circumstances….
so now, though i think of moses jones & other projects every day, i have a new place to settle. land & house in serious need of care-taking. a yard & garden. a flock of chickens. two dogs who need training. four minions on hyper-drive as they try to adjust to the fourth move in a year….

i’m here though. never far away. treading water.

i am in the process of collecting all of my poetry from my other blog to put into a collection of sorts. then i will delete the bulk of that blog to convert it (once more) into a different blog. this time about the dysfunctional adventures of a homesteading family.

and i look at my barely started first page of just me and my lizard brain every day, sighing softly.

and i daydream about doing some fantastic & wildly popular chinese ink brush paintings of the central illinois landscape.

and mojo. i think about mojo. her humble beginnings, her journey thus far, and her future in the graphic novel world….

doodles.

here’s a doodle from my journal.

i am working on a new page. i have some words…some panels…. now i wait for a break in the chaos to pencil in some interactions between mojo & dusty.
man, she is stupid for that man.
i know the feeling.

i hope to have it finished today.
okay, just kidding.
a page a week?
maybe i can beat that this week.
we’ll see.

words….

i am not getting much work done. living alone with four kids, i fall asleep when they do. i did get two pages of text started. mostly text. more words than pictures. i hope to work more on it today. but times are tough.

no time.
no money.
no dusty…except on the weekends.

i am living in a new town. a small town. a northern(ish) wisconsin town where the liberal/conservative balance i was used to in madison has shifted to the conservative. just one more change for me to get used to.

i am feeling a bit isolated. i even lived without the internet for my first 26 days here. that almost killed me. not doing art is having its effect as well. so i need to get busy.

tomorrow i am sending off a package to a literary agent a friend of mine suggested. fingers crossed that this will go somewhere other than the recycle bin!

& more mojo soon!
might be she will be text heavy. i need to get some story established. it’s a slow process in the comic form. let me know what you think.

 

paper mache is cool

i finished bluejean’s arm for my art class.

i’m pretty happy with it. i really love paper mache. the messiness of it even is fun for me. i want to keep experimenting with paper mache and related projects.

also, i have worked a lot on my second big whimsy piece (somewhat visible in the background)…i have been adding random visuals. stuff i pull out of my ass. i think my epitaph will be “she was good at pulling stuff out of her ass.” i got that from my dad. thanks, dad!

anyhoo, i am starting to like the piece better. it’s getting weirder & weirder. which is good–but i worry that i am just david-lynching it up. whenever i watch a david lynch movie i get the feeling he was thinking, “let’s throw a dwarf in right here. that would be weird.” i want my weirdness to be pertinent to the story. but i also like weird…hmmm….

so i’m having fun with my art, which is the point, right? i need to have the big whimsy piece–yet to be named–done by monday for my critique.

plus! for my digital media class, i have to make an “alter ego website.” so i am making a website for bluejean. the big whimsy pieces will be presented in a “reading rainbow” fashion via a video and my narration. argh. i hope it works!

 

so much done…so much more to do

this is what i worked on last night while my children slept and gotham played on my laptop. i may have missed a few plot turns in gotham…but i got more of this project developed.

this project?
a large panel of stark raving whimsy. here is a few shots of my progress:

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these large pieces take a whole lot of time! i am used to just getting a page done in one or two sittings. i have spent several hours on this already. i hope to get a second one of these done before the end of the semester. plus! i really want to do a paper mache of my face & arm & upper chest to turn into a 3D bluejean casting that i can then make to look like bluejean but also draw a story onto.

progress depends on the sleep schedules of my children.

sleep. sleep, my little lovelies….

waiting for keanu

i have a new laptop! and a new digital camera! (thanks student loans!)

and my drawing class is going great…(my digital art class not so much….)

my professor wants me to go epic with my graphic novelling. he gave me a rolled up sheet of paper to do a huge page with. meanwhile, my larger page is almost done.

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i totally should be done by now. but i had to go to court for a disorderly conduct charge & that had me too neurotic to draw for way too long. but, note to self, any dude who is going to put you in the position to get a disorderly conduct charge is not a dude who is worth getting charged with disorderly conduct over–especially if he also cheats, lies, and treats the mother of his children like poo. so new leaf turning time. i need to dedicate my passion to my art & children…not to their absent father. in my comic i have him physically absent–but in real life he is emotionally absent.

up top is an in process rendering of my very first comic venture as a child–hey, diddle diddle. i think i will do just the one page. or more. but more as prints than as a continuing story. but, as of today, i have decided to write a graphic novel about all the fucked-up-ness of all my relationships and title it waiting for keanu. maybe i will make that one epic as well….

(keanu, where are you? i’m waiting…come home!)

set backs galore! (or how i became a jerry springer show special)

okay–so i’m of irish descent….

(excuses! just the facts,ma’am!)

and though i am aware of most of the rules & laws & such of our society…i don’t understand them. like, if a person comes across the love her life making out with a brain-damaged pothead in broad daylight just a block from her house…shouldn’t one kick to the knee be allowed? granted, as the man cop alluded to, i should have kicked dusty as well…. but i kicked a girl. i lost my heart. and i broke my elbow all in the span of a few blurry rage-filled moments.

and now my pages aren’t done yet.

maybe i can work more tonight. or maybe i will take one or two of the tylenols with codeine that the kind & handsome dr. joe gave me for my elbow.

one thing is for damn sure. i need to stop finding new material to work with. enough already. keep the drama to the pages, mama.

almost there….

is that a star wars quote? “almost there?” is that what the bearded pilot is saying before he gets blowed up in episode IV? sometimes i wonder if it has gotten to the point where everything i say or think is a movie quote. i was writing a poem for my other blog and it kept sounding familiar to me. then i realized my poem was heavily influenced by horton hears a who.

ha!

anyhoo. i got some work done last night as dusty was off sorting things out with his hello kitty ex-girlfriend. i was able to work until poppy woke up and demanded that i come to bed. how is the nighttime weaning going, you ask? yeah. about that. the kid is a tyrant. it is still on my to-do list. things have been topsy-turvy round bouts here. nighttime weaning has fallen between the cracks. one day….

i inked in the rough draft of page 35 and started doing brush work. that is the next step after inking with a pen. i go in and do the ink brush in layers. i got the blacks done. now i will work on the lighter shades. maybe today?