what? only two more days of inktober left?? holy crap! nooooooo!
i love inktober so much. i’m not sure what i’m going to do. can i keep going? will anyone pay attention? (the attention has been awesome) i mean, of course i will keep doing art. but every day? sharing it shamelessly on all social media every day? can i do that without inktober?
and now iggy is begging me for ink stains to find pictures in.
and fidgit wants in on the action too.
we are having too much fun for this to be over!
can i tell you how happy i am with my velociraptor? i’m really happy with it.
since i made a picture for fidgit, i had to make a picture for iggy. he asked for it yesterday, but i didn’t want to do two humpback whale pictures in a row. he asked for a humpback whale playing with a squid. i jokingly asked, “wrestling?” since whales & squid can be known to fight to the death (but that might be sperm whales?) he said yes to the wrestling picture, but after starting the picture, i thought hide & go seek would work better.
colorful, right? what’s up with me & all the color? i might be tapping into my more vibrant inner artist. i have this set of dr. ph. martin color inks that i have barely used after impulse buying them…and now i am getting some time to play with them.
i got the paper wet. dripped ink. let it dry. then i drew what i saw. then i added a little more ink. then one more inking just to be safe.
i like it. so vibrant. i keep thinking someone else did it.
oh, and here is misha’s inktober contribution. poppy’s contribution is all over the carpet. oops! supervision with the ink, mama. (at least it was my cheap ink & not my new ink)
i have nothing new to post unless you want to see pages and pages of apartment listings that probably won’t work out and we will have to live out of my mazda5 squatting near the house of some crazy relative or another.
i want to be working on moses jones or any project rather than sitting and looking at craigslist and dreading having to actually call people about apartments and possibly suffer some sort of rejection or another…. (i’m terrified of phones & of rejection.)
i need to do laundry. i need to clean the bathroom. i need to interact with my children other than screaming, “knock it off unless you want to be homeless!” as i cruise craigslist on my laptop while they beg for food. how dumb is it to yell at your kids to stop yelling so much?
but! when i have to get off craigslist to nurse poppy, i do read books on how to be a better, more successful artist & writer. i did not finish the gift by Lewis Hyde. i liked the concept, but it became too convoluted to continue. then i read bird by bird by anne lamott. i really enjoyed it. i googled her though and was alarmed to see she had made some insensitive comments about one transsexual which had been then determined to mean she was insensitive to all transsexuals. i am totally in support of transsexualism, but having known several men who were conveniently women and then men again–and not having much knowledge about the whole caitlyn jenner situaltion–and having enjoyed her dark sense of humor…i guess i’m willing to cut her some slack. and i did totally enjoy bird by bird. it is a very well written and enjoyable book about writing. then i started reading ignore everybody by hugh mcleod. i didn’t get very far into it. it seemed awfully self-indulgent. though i did like that he was saying doing something different is sure to get you attention. moses jones, is so different that i am having trouble finding my audience. ha! i should be wildly successful…right? maybe i read that wrong…. now i am looking at rework by jason fried & david heinemeier hansson. it is more about business and i almost put it down for this reason. but…i can be an artist and know about business. (i had to tell myself that.) it will not corrupt me. it will not corrupt me. it will not corrupt me.
okay, back to the house hunt. you will know i have found a place when i am able to post new stuff again. if you don’t hear from me again it is because i cannot get my scanner to work plugged into my mazda5. ha!
i have been having a hard time. not taking classes, being at the dead end of a relationship, trying to be a good mom and feeling like a complete humorless grump, unable to picture a future where i exist as anything but a failure…. i have sunk into a funk. being in a funk means little motivation for creation.
plus! my kids have been sick. the baby has it the worst and is not letting me get any sleep. no sleep equals no being able to stay up late to work on moses jones.
and today i broke the tip off one of my new rapidograph pens. the 0/35 pen. the one i have been using the most. if there is a budding benefactor of my arts out there….
but i have been drawing a little regardless. during the day when i get a smidge of freedom and no one is on top of me to bump and torment me. of course, as soon as they see i am about to give my attention to something other than them, they are quick to jump, bump, and torment. maybe i should start taking my art supplies to the bathroom with me (the only door with a lock.)
my six year old draws the most brilliant monsters. he is my inspiration for many creations. my nine year old helps me with squid and sharks, my six year old helps me draw monsters. (this is one of his:)
today i wrote a letter to a past inspiration of mine. my favorite ex-fiance. i have written him many letters and hesitate to send him yet another neurotic letter, but it’s stamped and ready to go anyway–and it was my last stamp–so i have to send it, right? i’ve had one really good relationship out of too many relationships. and i fucked it up as brilliantly as i could. i’m sure i am just a bump in the road of his love life, but i like to think there is still something there. so i wrote him a long and rambling derailed train of thought of a letter today. and i drew him a picture to show him how special, brilliant, and lovable i am despite what we both know to the contrary. it’s a variation on a sketch i did earlier.
now i am going to watch the second half of serenity –hopefully before the baby wakes up again–and hopefully while working on the next page of moses jones.
sleep tight, y’all.
waiting for my car to be fixed–or to not be fixed as it turned out–i did this doodle. no. i don’t do drugs. my head is just a weird place to live. sometimes too weird. sometimes too dark. but there it is. being weird & dark helps in the art department.
i was getting my car fixed because i’m trying to sell it. all day long, i stress about money. i have none, and i don’t know how to get any. ever since i was 17 i was financially independent. all my life. then i became a stay-at-home mom, and my worth plummeted in the eyes of society, at least (not to my kids.) i have no idea how to make money. becoming financially dependent on someone else, especially someone who loved pointing that out to me, really fucked up my sense of independence & self. for awhile there i was able to do some freelance writing while raising kids, but i couldn’t keep it up. writing “how-to” articles was just sucking the soul right out of me. so i switched to being a student–figuring i would get my degree & then i would be worth something. but now i feel like that is just my swimming in circles. so now what do i do?
sell my car?
sell my art?
turns out–i’m a terrible salesperson. i can’t sell my car. i can’t sell myself. i don’t know the value of anything. i suspect that every potential customer is just rejection waiting to happen. i see rejection everywhere i look. low self-esteem? that’s probably an understatement. weird thing is–i love my car & i love my art & i would totally buy either one of them (in fact, i did buy my car)…but when i look at myself, my art, even my car, through other people’s eyes–i just feel like a joke.
so here i am. weird. dark. & broke.
i am having difficulties getting my images to appear the way they did just 6 days ago.
this is how i feel about it.
i have a ton of homework to do. and it’s in geography which, to me, is scary & hard. so i feel like i should be spending my kid-free time working on that. if i get stuff done, i will have pages up sooner rather than later, but it may be several days before i produce any new moses jones’s pages.
meanwhile, my brilliant eight year old is a fantastic artist with an amazing imagination. he also writes graphic novels. he is often much more productive than i am. he specializes in ocean themed pictures. this is one of his.