wow. from light to dark. here is page 26 after i have done the second & third inking. i love ink. i’m still happy with this page. i think my doodling has helped improve my drawing. i keep surprising myself with what i can draw. i let a lot of imperfections show up in the ink. i noticed that i did that with the very first incarnation of moses jones that i did for my art class my style has definitely improved since then, but i also like some of the blotchy effect vs. the smooth.
i had to take a break from reading (“researching”) graphic novels. there are so many out there! so many awesome artists too. i find that i do not like the glossy, color pages–graphic novels usually done by three or four different people. the stories are good. and the artwork is technically good. however, it has no appeal to me. i like the messier stuff with less pizzazz and more soul, preferably written & drawn by one person. regardless, i found myself hiding away with my graphic novels and losing myself in their pages. now i’m limiting myself to non-fiction–mostly food related–reading. i’m more productive with my own art that way because it is much easier to set down a cookbook than it is to set down a graphic novel. the past few nights i have been able to get my kids up to bed by 8 or 9, and then i am able to work a little bit before the baby wakes up & refuses to sleep alone. that seems to be working for me. i have pages and pages of moses jones written. hopefully i can remain productive and get them drawn up.
tonight my nine year old requested that i start working on my “steampunk” comic. he does not like zombies. he cannot understand why i would want to write about them and draw them. sometimes i don’t know why either. sometimes i think i should try to bring prettier things into the world. but then how would i exorcise my demons?
i don’t usually put pages up before they are done, but i was so happy with the start of this page that i thought i would put it up and show any interested parties the process of my art.
i do not use pencils. my motto: i like to live with my mistakes.
i hate erasing. i thrive on chaos & messy commitments. therefore, i start with ink, i add more ink, and i finish with ink. ink ink ink. (this makes me want to go out and get more tattoos….)
so i framed this up while watching the second half of serenity. (what the fuck!? why didn’t anyone warn me that my favorite firefly character dies in the movie???) then i did the first inking last night, drinking jasmine tea & listening to music. minions willing, i might get the ink brush (second inking) tonight. then the third inking just takes a bit of time, fixing any weirdness as much as possible & darkening up lines wanting to be darker.
also, still in the back of my head, fodder for falling asleep, is the start of trials of the moonfish and lisa the lion.
i have been having a hard time. not taking classes, being at the dead end of a relationship, trying to be a good mom and feeling like a complete humorless grump, unable to picture a future where i exist as anything but a failure…. i have sunk into a funk. being in a funk means little motivation for creation.
plus! my kids have been sick. the baby has it the worst and is not letting me get any sleep. no sleep equals no being able to stay up late to work on moses jones.
and today i broke the tip off one of my new rapidograph pens. the 0/35 pen. the one i have been using the most. if there is a budding benefactor of my arts out there….
but i have been drawing a little regardless. during the day when i get a smidge of freedom and no one is on top of me to bump and torment me. of course, as soon as they see i am about to give my attention to something other than them, they are quick to jump, bump, and torment. maybe i should start taking my art supplies to the bathroom with me (the only door with a lock.)
my six year old draws the most brilliant monsters. he is my inspiration for many creations. my nine year old helps me with squid and sharks, my six year old helps me draw monsters. (this is one of his:)
today i wrote a letter to a past inspiration of mine. my favorite ex-fiance. i have written him many letters and hesitate to send him yet another neurotic letter, but it’s stamped and ready to go anyway–and it was my last stamp–so i have to send it, right? i’ve had one really good relationship out of too many relationships. and i fucked it up as brilliantly as i could. i’m sure i am just a bump in the road of his love life, but i like to think there is still something there. so i wrote him a long and rambling derailed train of thought of a letter today. and i drew him a picture to show him how special, brilliant, and lovable i am despite what we both know to the contrary. it’s a variation on a sketch i did earlier.
now i am going to watch the second half of serenity –hopefully before the baby wakes up again–and hopefully while working on the next page of moses jones.
sleep tight, y’all.
waiting for my car to be fixed–or to not be fixed as it turned out–i did this doodle. no. i don’t do drugs. my head is just a weird place to live. sometimes too weird. sometimes too dark. but there it is. being weird & dark helps in the art department.
i was getting my car fixed because i’m trying to sell it. all day long, i stress about money. i have none, and i don’t know how to get any. ever since i was 17 i was financially independent. all my life. then i became a stay-at-home mom, and my worth plummeted in the eyes of society, at least (not to my kids.) i have no idea how to make money. becoming financially dependent on someone else, especially someone who loved pointing that out to me, really fucked up my sense of independence & self. for awhile there i was able to do some freelance writing while raising kids, but i couldn’t keep it up. writing “how-to” articles was just sucking the soul right out of me. so i switched to being a student–figuring i would get my degree & then i would be worth something. but now i feel like that is just my swimming in circles. so now what do i do?
sell my car?
sell my art?
turns out–i’m a terrible salesperson. i can’t sell my car. i can’t sell myself. i don’t know the value of anything. i suspect that every potential customer is just rejection waiting to happen. i see rejection everywhere i look. low self-esteem? that’s probably an understatement. weird thing is–i love my car & i love my art & i would totally buy either one of them (in fact, i did buy my car)…but when i look at myself, my art, even my car, through other people’s eyes–i just feel like a joke.
so here i am. weird. dark. & broke.
i finished, but if i had the time & energy & extra paper–i would re-do it. i messed up a bunch of stuff, even photographing it for this post did not go smoothly.
i feel “meh.”
i have my critique today. hopefully it will go okay. there are some very talented very stunning watercolor artists in my class. i can’t help but compare my limited capabilities to their impressive ones. then i have to remind myself of my strengths. wait…i will think of one…later maybe.
this whole project has left me missing moses jones. missing black & white. missing my ink. watercolors are cool. i love the way they flaw and leave their mark, but my heart is in ink. if i do continue this series, i will do so in ink.
maybe a watercolor every once in awhile.
i have been getting very intimate with the features of gertrude buttons’s face. the size of her eyes, the shape of her nose, the curve of her mouth. small adjustments make another woman entirely. it kind of amazes me. i see one i like, but then i think about writing her character…and it still doesn’t click. it feels impossible when i look at all the faces. it also feels like i’m on the verge of discovery.
but fun too.
she’s starting to look like cate blanchett. small eyes, lots of eye make-up, a mouth too big for her face, and a nose that says something. that’s what i am going for. and is this a face that smokes cigarettes? drinks gin martinis? has a black belt in judo? captain’s an airship? has a soft spot for giant squid? okay–green gown picture looks like she is digging her undies out of her bum…note to self–work on placement of hands.
i am happy with how three out of four of characters look, but i am struggling with the looks of my heroine, gertrude buttons. i spent last night playing with watercolors and ink and drew so many faces. after i added thick lashes and eyeliner to my previous picture of gertrude buttons, i felt i was on to something. i also was kind of satisfied with this picture of her and her co-star, harvester jones. i just feel i haven’t quite gotten her right. it has not clicked for me yet.
meanwhile, plots are starting to develop in my head. i want it to be fantastic, yet real. which means i need to pull some serious talent out of my butt.
we’ll see how that goes.
I decided that a back cover would be a good idea.
I have dug a bag out of the closet–one of those bags designed for carrying official looking paperwork–a satchel? I have re purposed a folder–aka, dumped it out–to put my pages into. I have designed and finished a back cover. I have lain the pages out to make sure there will not be any blank pages.
Now all I have to do is walk to a print shop & turn this website into a zine.
the good news is i am close to having my geography homework done…not a whole lot has been retained in my brain, but hopefully some of it made it through the maze of zombies and worries and worries about zombies to root in my brain and make me a bit more geographically intelligent….
the bad news is that i have not yet written or drawn page six of moses jones. so here is another in the series of old people with animal parts.
i was just reading about russia in my geography book, so my brain picked this old person–who looks mildly slavic to me–to post tonight.