so i got new sketch journals today! and more ink. wow. that’s a big bottle of ink.
now if it goes all apocalyptic in a couple of weeks, i will be set to sketch journal into the sunset.
here’s what my old journal looks like next to a new one.
so new journals ready to take some damage.
very exciting.
otherwise, my day has been quiet. when i post every day, some days i guess i don’t have a whole lot to say. but i drew some pig creatures passing like ships in the night. so…enjoy.
okay.
this one is my favorite.
iggy & i both spotted the baby. i saw a mer-baby. he said he didn’t picture it with so much hair.
the picture grew from there.
have i told you how much fun i am having?
i worked on this one a lot. looking for the images. researching sea life that matched what i saw. i spotted the manatee’s eye and thought, “what is a cow doing under water?” then remembered, hey–yeah, “sea cow.” i wasn’t sure i could pull off actually drawing a manatee. there isn’t a lot of..um..how do i put this nicely..well, there is an absence of lines in a manatee. an excess of bulk & space. as a minimalist artist, i need to have enough detail to pull of what i am drawing. but i think i did it! i am very proud of the manatee.
i thought of quitting before putting in the sea turtle…then as i was drawing it, i was like, “crap! i should have quit while i was ahead. but, like with the shark, with enough ink & enough line & shading…i think it turned out okay despite my fuck-ups.
man, this one was fun to do.
i like it when what i see in my head
and in the ink
i am able to make come alive
in its way
on the paper.
my mother…let me tell you about my mother….
yes. i have a terrible relationship with my mother. you don’t need today’s ink blot test to come to that conclusion. but i tried. i tried to be a normal daughter & send a normal card. ah yes. as mum used to say, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
i learned a lot of fucked up things from my mom. i learned a few good ones though. she taught me to bake. and to stand up for myself. and to help strangers. and to identify wild plants & trees. to be strong, even. which is weird–because she put herself forward as a victim so often….
so i made a card for my mom for this day’s inking. crap. i should have taken pictures of the art my kids added to the card. also most days have the title, date, and my signature. this one does not. i did sign it, but for my mom.
my mom has m.s. she has dementia due to it? i’m not sure how that works. so i think the freaky bits of this picture will be lost on her. she will notice that it is green (her favorite color) and that her prodigal daughter sent her a card.
i wonder if picasso would send his mom cubist drawings on her birthday?
not that i think i am picasso. which reminds me, some web comic review site reviewed my baby, moses jones, and they weren’t very nice about it. which pissed me off. who are they to look at my art and smear their opinion all over it? yes, mojo is a bit of a cross-eyed baby, but she is beautiful to me.
after much obsessing, i decided that anyone who spends their time giving bad reviews to web comics really needs a better hobby.
after all, web comics are free–it’s not like they are warning someone not to waste money on it.
and
it takes like a minute to read a few pages of one & decide for yourself whether you like it or not.
dumb reviewer.
but
then again,
free press.
not everyone agrees with dumb too-much-time-on-my-hands web comic review guy, and now my comic has been exposed to that person.
like this one time, this guy i hated
talked about this book he really despised
so i read the book because this guy was really annoying.
that book was confederacy of dunces
one of my favorite books
which just goes to show there is a dumb opinion around every corner.
just saying.
crap. i forgot to send my mom a card. you would think counting every day of october in an ink drawing i would remember the 23rd is her birthday…crap. happy birthday, mom! you are probably getting a homemade card!! of course, it was my mom who always told me homemade presents mean the most….
today is another ink blot test. i think the rest of the month will be so as well. maybe the rest of my life because they are so much fun to do. i found another ape & another goddamned unicorn ( i so don’t want to be the kind of artist who does unicorn pictures–no offense to artists who do unicorn pictures!! different strokes and all that )
i get impatient with waiting for ink to dry. and this is on a journal page, not paper intended for a lot of water–so there is smudges & musses. by the way–this is the last page of my journal!! i did go ahead and order 3 more journals from artists & craftsmen (they were a really good price & i keep worrying that life as we know it is going to come to a standstill & i will be trapped in the country with no art supplies…i don’t want to have to kill trees to make paper…crap, i forgot to make sure i was getting recycled paper…arrrgh!)
but, as i was saying, this is the last page of a journal i started on the 4th of november, 2014. i used it for my water color class. remember that? gertrude buttons? good times! so i have been piddling in this thing for almost 2 years. wow. i need to fill the new ones up a bit faster…unless life as we know it ends & i am forced to conserve paper….
this is my favorite part of the day. the finishing & posting the inking of the day. the seeing how it turned out. the writing this post in my head as i shade and ink.
crap…what was i going to say? damn minions demanding my attention. ahhh….
oh! yeah! so–have you ever been yelled at by your tarot cards? it is quite the experience, believe you me. i have a very shout-y deck of tarot cards. i have been avoiding them for ages because they always want me to be fixing things about myself. getting rid of dusty. taking my art seriously….
taking my art seriously. that is what they yelled at me about last night. yelling tarot cards looks something like getting a spread full of major arcana (cards about being on a higher plane & doing serious work) and then having them all be inverted (upside down.) for you non-tarot people. upside down is generally bad bad bad.
yes, i don’t take my art seriously. as i told a friend today, i always have this voice in my head saying, “that’s a really nice little picture there. too bad it’s not real art.”
fuck.
so i have to take my art more seriously or suffer the wrath of my cranky tarot cards…any ideas? tips? where do i go? who do i bother?
fuck.
i’m going to have to start googling stuff.
yesterday was sad. today is happy!
i feel like a weight is lifted. a spell cast has been removed. the sun has come out. sadly, i feel all this because dusty has gone away to wisconsin for a visit. i know. i know. i know. if his going away causes me happiness….
i feel mean that his being gone brings me such a sense of relief. but it does. like i’m not being judged every minute of the day. i’m not being brought down by negative energy. i get to be me, unfettered.
so this is my ink blot test for the day. come as you are. iggy found the duck. he & i both found the guitar. coincidentally, my co-inker for inktober also did a duck today…and a bunny yesterday. i swear i’m not copying!
i like this one. i really do. i like that splatters turn into music.
tomorrow, we are going to venture into the color blue. i already splattered some pages.
so the thing about me is, i am an empath. i feel things deeper and more intuitively that a large percent of the population.
i have always known this about myself, but i am just figuring out how to embrace it as a good thing and to not let it destroy me.
being an empath makes it difficult for me to be around a lot of people. i can sense their anger, their sadness, their different energies.
it makes it difficult for me to work in positions where i care for others because i give too much of myself–but also helps me to be a good caregiver, if i could learn how to not cross that line.
it makes it difficult for me to be in relationships because i cannot keep my feelings separate from those of the other person. i am trying to learn boundaries and ways to protect myself…but i have a long way to go.
it makes it difficult for me to be a mom sometimes–sometimes it helps. when many small bodies need me to care all at the same time & i am prone to forgetting to listen to my own needs….
i get overwhelmed. so easily. by all the energy from all the people around me.
the more “bad” things i see or hear, the deeper it seems to go. so the internet is a treacherous place for people like me. though i want to know about wrongs being done–so i can help–if i can help…it is draining.
this election is a goddamned nightmare for me. both major party candidates are bad people. i know this on an intuitive level and on an educated level. one seems much worse than the other. i feel like a vote for that one is a vote against people like me. however, i will not vote for the lesser of two evils, that would be giving up on hope. i wish that everyone would actually vote for better candidates (there are other candidates) and send these two to the hell they deserve….
but! i digress.
this is not a political blog.
i just wanted y’all to know why eye feel sad.
i’m off. out of whack. my zen is broken. i started one inking today at misha’s speech therapy appointment, and it somehow ended up with a puppy in it?? then this one has a unicorn? i dunno. i’m not feeling it today. i just kept adding more & more ink until i didn’t absolutely hate it.
my zen is off. i’m a mess.
i had two birthdays in a row. poppy & then fidgit. i managed to bake cakes for both of them…but i still felt like i was somehow phoning it in.
i think i am exhausted by my non-relationship with dusty. i have asked him to leave. i have asked him why he is even living here in the first place. he said, “you are totally discounting my relationship with the kids.” i told him he can have a relationship with the kids while living somewhere else. other divorced people don’t live together. i really think we should try that.
so he is squatting at my parents house. not paying rent. not paying anything. not working. sometimes helping with the kids. he thinks mowing the lawn & burning things has given him some sort of helper status….
okay, this has nothing to do with my art other than the fact that i am letting his energy sapping ways drain my creativity.
or, i am going to blame him for my sucky picture today.
but inktober continues, and i refuse to miss a day.
so here is my sucky picture.
it is another ink blot test. and i resisted & resisted & resisted and then finally gave in to the sheep that i could see being catapulted at the dragon.
i blame dusty.
i used green for my shading instead of grey/black. shades of green. i like it.
i have always been fascinated by the world turtles. the idea that we are just flying around on the back of a sea turtle. usually on top of four elephants as well, but i just wanted the sea turtles.
every day my posts seem to get later & later. i haven’t been getting enough sleep and think i am going through some personal growth or avoidance of said growth or flirting around/dancing with the idea of growing.
almost there. almost there….
despite trying to grow, i have gotten an inking done for every day of inktober. i think that is impressive. i have four kids that i am ignoring to get these done! that’s challenging.
sorry. i’m a bit tired. and my blog isn’t getting a lot of action so i might just be writing this for myself. but if you are still out there. enjoy my latest inking.
it’s green.
what? another fucking monkey? yes, i know they are actually apes…but as far as alliteration goes, “monkey” works better.
i’m pretty proud of this dodo.
this is another ink clean-up from a couple days ago that i looked for and found pictures inside of. i really like this one. i am thinking this might be my medium. the ink blot. a series? a book? an ink blot in every pot?
i would really like to find a way to support myself with my art. i know that is a high fah-lootin’ idea, but keep in mind that i do lead a pretty simple life. i don’t need much past a brush, a pen, and a pot of ink blots.
think it over.
moses jones: apocalyptic mama 