always with the mixed feelings about this comic.
where am i going?
do i like my art work? my style? or should i strive for something bigger & better?
always the self-doubt and urge to just take a match to it all.
i wonder about doing my graphic novel pages in a way that they could stand alone. maybe even on canvas? or mass produced as prints?
is there a purpose to my prose?
maybe i should just do one page comics with no words that i can sell as “real art.”
i haven’t seen the sun in days. monday is the next time it is forcast to appear.
and we are having the second new moon of the month.
a black moon.
what new beginnings do i need to make?
well…here is page 43. i have some difficulty with drawing laslo. and always difficulty with drawing susan. even some problems drawing moses jones. but i like the layout.
i am going somewhere with this.
i just don’t know if it is worth going there.
fuck it. i need to meditate or something.
maybe this page looks rough because i feel rough.
another depressed & anxious day in the life
& i’m all like,
“since i feel like crap & a big dumb
failure…i should work on my comic about the destructive voices
that tell me i am crap
& a big dumb failure.”
so here is the very first page of
just me & my lizard brain
i am actually pretty excited about it, regardless of my depression & anxiety. what better way to deal with feeling like crap than to write a comic about feeling like crap?
i’m a genius.
it is yet to be determined. (though a quiz on facebook today told me i am a genius)
interesting side note. my main character is named after my very first therapist. maeve. what a cool name, right? it got vetoed as a baby name, so i’m naming this creation in her honor.
i hope you enjoy it. when i am feeling more centered & zen, i will try to do some chinese ink brush paintings of the cornfields i see all around me.
maybe some stark raving whimsy when i am–um–stark raving whimsical?
and when i am in the mood for fighting zombies, we will see more of moses jones!
i have a week with no kids!!
i have not had a week with no kids since the invention of my kids in 2005. that’s going on eleven years, people.
so i have all this nervous energy that i usually use to herd children that i now am using to see how much i can get done in a week without kids.
i started this experiment of ink on canvas about–what–2 months ago? now i am actually working on it. i like it.
i have an idea for a comic starring me & my lizard brain.
i am going to start on a series of steampunk chinese brush paintings using my stark raving whimsy storyline.
i am working on script for new pages of mojo.
i am doing this with the buttons i have been obsessively collecting from thrift stores:
do let me know if you have any button jewelry needs. i am your quixotic mama.
so yesterday, with a bad head cold and a four year old personal assistant, i decided to ink in my page.
(i always ask my minions, is that a good idea? or a bad idea?)
it was a bad idea. moses jones ended up looking like the love child of fonzie & gary shandling. and somehow….was it me or the four year old? somehow ink got smeared in mj’s hair & onto fidgit & misha. too much ink for me to turn it into an artsy shadow effect.
don’t sneeze & ink, people.
when one is sick. one should rest. not try to catch up on all the things one is behind on.
so today i re-drew my page. i think the second one is better. so far so good. i might wait until i am feeling even better…tomorrow?…to do the ink & brush. that seems to be where things went all higgly-piggly on my first attempt at what will be…page 39?
it has taken a couple of years.
but i have 39 pages.
just think what i could do if i didn’t have the constant “help” of a two year old & a four year old!
i think about it all the time.
i will rule the world!
until then…page 39 should be ready soon…soon….
i finished bluejean’s arm for my art class.
i’m pretty happy with it. i really love paper mache. the messiness of it even is fun for me. i want to keep experimenting with paper mache and related projects.
also, i have worked a lot on my second big whimsy piece (somewhat visible in the background)…i have been adding random visuals. stuff i pull out of my ass. i think my epitaph will be “she was good at pulling stuff out of her ass.” i got that from my dad. thanks, dad!
anyhoo, i am starting to like the piece better. it’s getting weirder & weirder. which is good–but i worry that i am just david-lynching it up. whenever i watch a david lynch movie i get the feeling he was thinking, “let’s throw a dwarf in right here. that would be weird.” i want my weirdness to be pertinent to the story. but i also like weird…hmmm….
so i’m having fun with my art, which is the point, right? i need to have the big whimsy piece–yet to be named–done by monday for my critique.
plus! for my digital media class, i have to make an “alter ego website.” so i am making a website for bluejean. the big whimsy pieces will be presented in a “reading rainbow” fashion via a video and my narration. argh. i hope it works!
i’m not sure how i feel about this one. there are some aspects of it i really like, but overall i do not care for it. i told my professor that i was just going to keep putting ink on it until i do like it. i liked “spoketh the blackbear” way better. also! i am working on taking my whimsy to another dimension…
and i’m pretty excited about this. originally, i was going to do face, neck, chest, shoulder, arm, & wing…but my critique is next week. so i need to get these painted and decorated for that. maybe i will add on later. i love paper mache…but i was using myself, and that was tricky–especially when misha wakes up from a nightmare when i am covered in soggy newspaper….
the semester is over in a week. i have to get busy and finish this final large narrative and finish my paper mache bluejean. then what?
more moses jones. yup. but what changes will the new episode bring…hmmm. and more whimsy, but smaller i’m sure.
plus, i am moving. leaving dusty and embracing a new future. no more fucked-up relationships. i have enough material. now i need a farm. a homestead. a room of my own.
when i noticed the utility pole out my window, i saw this image. maybe it’s the recovering catholic in me? so i drew it. and painted it. i like it. i was happy with how the roof turned out. i’m not sure about the trees & animals though. too dr. seuss?
so now i have to finish my behemoth whimsy piece. it needs at least a couple of nights of attention.
and i need to paper mache myself. that will be tricky. dusty is betting that poppy will wake up the minute i cover myself with wet, sticky newspaper. he’s probably right. maybe he can take care of the baby while i dry out? maybe?
i want to be done by the end of this weekend. i haven’t been able to work on it because i keep falling asleep at night.
damn my human need for sleep!
i am also working on a smaller piece that i just wanted to see what would happen…and i need to start my other large piece.
oh! and paper mache myself.
i need a parallel universe i can work on art in while i chase minions in this one. that would work, right?
hopefully i will have a finished shot, and some close-ups, for y’all by monday.
this is what i worked on last night while my children slept and gotham played on my laptop. i may have missed a few plot turns in gotham…but i got more of this project developed.
a large panel of stark raving whimsy. here is a few shots of my progress:
these large pieces take a whole lot of time! i am used to just getting a page done in one or two sittings. i have spent several hours on this already. i hope to get a second one of these done before the end of the semester. plus! i really want to do a paper mache of my face & arm & upper chest to turn into a 3D bluejean casting that i can then make to look like bluejean but also draw a story onto.
progress depends on the sleep schedules of my children.
sleep. sleep, my little lovelies….