today is rough for me.
i keep staring at my facebook feed. watching all the horrific stories coming from standing rock and the water protectors who are fighting the pipeline and having their rights and their bodies trampled on…
i feel it in my bones. people turning their backs. not looking. and my heart hurts.
how is this world going to get better if everyone pretends it isn’t happening? if everyone looks away? if everyone says it’s okay to treat people like this? treat the environment like this?
and then there is the impending u.s. election where it is vote for this monster or vote for this monster, but, by god, don’t vote for someone who isn’t a monster because then the wrong monster might get elected and it will be all. your. fault.
what if none of us voted for either of the monsters?
what if the u.s. finally broke down this bogus two party system that is morphing into a one party system.
the storm clouds gather.
i try to hold onto hope.
we have to hold onto hope.
there has to be a way out of this mess.
so i inked & inked & inked and kids jumped on me while i tried to ink and weird crap came out of my head and onto my paper and i couldn’t make my first picture work (titled: you are here)
it’s a bit fucked up in many different ways. i don’t know where i was going with it. i never do. i just start moving my pen & see what happens. i think my second one, “time,” worked a little better…but i still feel like my brain is a puddle and i need to just…relax….
breathe deep and focus on a better tomorrow.
so the thing about me is, i am an empath. i feel things deeper and more intuitively that a large percent of the population.
i have always known this about myself, but i am just figuring out how to embrace it as a good thing and to not let it destroy me.
being an empath makes it difficult for me to be around a lot of people. i can sense their anger, their sadness, their different energies.
it makes it difficult for me to work in positions where i care for others because i give too much of myself–but also helps me to be a good caregiver, if i could learn how to not cross that line.
it makes it difficult for me to be in relationships because i cannot keep my feelings separate from those of the other person. i am trying to learn boundaries and ways to protect myself…but i have a long way to go.
it makes it difficult for me to be a mom sometimes–sometimes it helps. when many small bodies need me to care all at the same time & i am prone to forgetting to listen to my own needs….
i get overwhelmed. so easily. by all the energy from all the people around me.
the more “bad” things i see or hear, the deeper it seems to go. so the internet is a treacherous place for people like me. though i want to know about wrongs being done–so i can help–if i can help…it is draining.
this election is a goddamned nightmare for me. both major party candidates are bad people. i know this on an intuitive level and on an educated level. one seems much worse than the other. i feel like a vote for that one is a vote against people like me. however, i will not vote for the lesser of two evils, that would be giving up on hope. i wish that everyone would actually vote for better candidates (there are other candidates) and send these two to the hell they deserve….
but! i digress.
this is not a political blog.
i just wanted y’all to know why eye feel sad.