always with the mixed feelings about this comic.
where am i going?
do i like my art work? my style? or should i strive for something bigger & better?
always the self-doubt and urge to just take a match to it all.
i wonder about doing my graphic novel pages in a way that they could stand alone. maybe even on canvas? or mass produced as prints?
is there a purpose to my prose?
maybe i should just do one page comics with no words that i can sell as “real art.”
i haven’t seen the sun in days. monday is the next time it is forcast to appear.
and we are having the second new moon of the month.
a black moon.
what new beginnings do i need to make?
well…here is page 43. i have some difficulty with drawing laslo. and always difficulty with drawing susan. even some problems drawing moses jones. but i like the layout.
i am going somewhere with this.
i just don’t know if it is worth going there.
fuck it. i need to meditate or something.
page 41 with our waffling warrior.
(anxious to get the page out, i didn’t flatten it enough to easily photograph it–so it’s a little wonky…plus, minions kept pushing past me when i had my camera ready, as usual. whenever i need it to be perfectly still–minions start shoving. we are so zombie fodder.)
dusty emerges from the woods. smoldering looks & smoldering cigarette. what is a mother of four to do? she can’t just lop off his head in front of his children…though arguably it could be a good life lesson. “don’t fuck with a person’s heart if you want to keep your head, little ones.”
but with so much history, it is difficult for moses jones to forget the good times. especially when dusty is being all come-hither. especially when spring is in the air. especially when moses jones has been without a man for all these long months.
i like how this one turned out. i like the text mixed with pictures. some panels…some free space. i like mixing it up.
but i’m not sure what happens next? might be a jump shot to a different scene. either back to the house with the squatters…or to the past and some back story? hmmm. hmmm. i need to figure it out. i haven’t hung up pages in my new house in my new work space. i think i need to hang up some pages and stare at the wall a bit and figure out what happens next.
being a mom & being an artist. is there a compromise?
last night, preparing for a birthday party for iggy who is turning seven, i became very bitter towards dusty who pulled his usual disappearing act. i told him i was stressed out (as a rabid introvert, i hate hate hate throwing parties–but iggy loves people & parties & invited all of the neighbors over for cake today) and that i needed help. he became angry. he wanted to hang out with his brother. he complained about me under his breath all the way out the out the door and then took an hour and a half to tell his brother that he could not hang out with him after all. by that time, i had cleaned the apartment, wrapped presents, done the dishes, and blown up balloons. meanwhile, these half finished pages stared at me, silently, waiting. i feel like dusty gets to do whatever he wants, while i keep house & think about being an artist. dream about it. writing pages in my head as i nurse the baby….
i have page 30 & 31 rough drafted. i found it seems more time efficient to do more than one page at a time. i have page 32 thumbnail sketched. i am exploring the darker side of roommates & cooperative living. or, rather, the petty side. we get to see the ugly side of jake, and more of lucy defending moses jones. meanwhile, i have realized i really do not like susan (maybe that’s why i struggle with drawing her??) and that she might be modeled after a couple of spineless women i used to cooperatively live with–who would talk the big talk, but then stab you in the back. yay, cooperative living.
so i’m preparing for random people, most of whom i don’t even like, to invade my home & eat the homemade pizza, homemade ice cream cake, and homemade cherry lemonade i have slaved over in my neurotic urge to please people i don’t even care for–to be a good hostess even though i hate throwing parties….
ps. check out this sweet dragon tattoo iggy got for his birthday.
i should stick to my chinese brush. i tried to use the paint program on my computer to cover up the words that surrounded this picture. i lack control…maybe it’s an unsophisticated program as well….
so this is a picture from my journal. when i don’t get a chance to work on comics, i try to at least draw in my journal. being that my personal/romantic life is crazy right now, the words written in my journal were a bit…er, crazy, as well. i didn’t think you should have to suffer that close of a view of my psyche. so i covered the words with red using “paint.” it’s not pretty, but it protects my audience.
i write fiction for a reason. the crazy of my real life needs to be buffered into fiction.
take dusty. my dusty. right now we are trying to get back together & be a family…but there is a stalker girlfriend factor. only i could be trying to raise four kids and date my ex-husband while some girl he fooled around with & is having difficulty breaking up with leaves garbage bags full of stuffed animals on our front step. should i do a journal blog telling the public of my psychotic personal life? or should i incorporate it into a fictional telling of a post-apocalyptic dystopia?
it will make a good story.
it does not make good real life.
anyhoo. the first draft of page 29 is done. i just have to flood it with ink now. using my chinese brush, of course. i like the way it looks. i like that i feel like my art is improving.
maybe i should learn how to use my paint program….
or maybe i should remain a stubborn luddite.
i don’t usually put pages up before they are done, but i was so happy with the start of this page that i thought i would put it up and show any interested parties the process of my art.
i do not use pencils. my motto: i like to live with my mistakes.
i hate erasing. i thrive on chaos & messy commitments. therefore, i start with ink, i add more ink, and i finish with ink. ink ink ink. (this makes me want to go out and get more tattoos….)
so i framed this up while watching the second half of serenity. (what the fuck!? why didn’t anyone warn me that my favorite firefly character dies in the movie???) then i did the first inking last night, drinking jasmine tea & listening to music. minions willing, i might get the ink brush (second inking) tonight. then the third inking just takes a bit of time, fixing any weirdness as much as possible & darkening up lines wanting to be darker.
also, still in the back of my head, fodder for falling asleep, is the start of trials of the moonfish and lisa the lion.
okay–that took a bit longer than anticipated. i think i am developing a 3 nights sleeping/1 night drawing pattern. and on nights i sleep, i go to bed at like 7 or 8. the baby just doesn’t let me get enough deep & continuous sleep. i will drink a beer to relax and end up out for the night. but–finally–finally i finished page 25 after having it drawn for several days.
this is the first page that does not have moses jones on it. i hope to start developing some of the side characters. lucy and malcolm are one of the two couples (not including moses & her haphazard coupling with dusty) that live at the squatter’s manor in my dystopian world. they are expecting a baby soon. which is scary in real life–and is surely terrifying in a dystopian one.
so here’s a peek at malcolm and lucy…of course their topic of conversation–moses jones.
i need better lighting in my place. or a studio to work in. of course, i need an income before i can rent studio space….
here is page 24. mj comforting/being comforted by her minions. the shading is wacky. i don’t pay attention to where the light is coming from…or background from panel to panel. it’s probably going to bite me in the ass someday. somebody is going to notice & draw attention to it. however, with a limited readership of mostly people who know how tired i am—everyone has been forgiving?
i have trouble with my profiles of mj. and since i skip penciling & go straight to ink—i have to cover my errors with more ink!
i am really happy with the middle panel of misha dancing in front of her mama and pantomiming to ask if her mama is crying. i think i kinda got it—which is better than i expected to do.
i’m not totally happy with the wording. or the shading.
on to the next page!
admittedly, my personal life is a train wreck. like a sixty-car pile-up, no survivors to speak of train wreck. some of the darkness of my current non-relationship with a certain man who gave my children beautiful blue eyes is leaking into my dystopian other-world personality. okay. so maybe moses jones is compiled of much of my own dark thoughts and struggles. maybe that’s what she is for. through moses jones i can pick up a katana and slice up some zombies. through moses jones i can express my darkest thoughts. through moses jones i can safely vent.
and then deny that my characters are anything but fictional creations.
here is page 23. moses jones having a break-down of sorts. why? because sometimes you have to break it down to re-build. she can come back stronger…faster…six million dollar mojo. or, at least, that is the hope of her narrator and illustrator.
as always, stay tuned. i can’t say for sure when the next page will come, but i am hopeful.
I decided that a back cover would be a good idea.
I have dug a bag out of the closet–one of those bags designed for carrying official looking paperwork–a satchel? I have re purposed a folder–aka, dumped it out–to put my pages into. I have designed and finished a back cover. I have lain the pages out to make sure there will not be any blank pages.
Now all I have to do is walk to a print shop & turn this website into a zine.
my whole family has been wiped out by a terrible head/chest cold as winter lingers & spring tries to pop in. happy spring equinox, by the way. it is tricky trying to write & draw a comic while being a sick, exhausted mama nursing sick, grumpy babes and going to school half time. i love my writer’s workshop, but i dread my geography. i need to just do it…oh well. i have already prepped myself for not getting an “a” in geography. i’m a bit of a geek and hate not having a 4.0 gpa…but sometimes i have to surrender control and do the parenting thing & write comics and let the homework slide a bit. the stuff that makes me happy and keeps me sane should come first.
onto the page for today. we are finding out stuff about the world we are in & the people we are in it with through some casual late night conversation. there was whiskey…i’m not sure where the whiskey went. i am going to assume it is behind the dialogue bubbles. the characters so far are moses jones, lucy, susan, and jacob. there are a handful more residents in the house, but these are the only ones we have met so far.
i look forward to a time when i can draw the other characters more consistently and without staring at the cast picture i have hung up by my desk–or by checking back to previous pages. susan looks a bit off in this one. and mojo has a very fluid appearance. i’m blaming the poorly lit kitchen they are sitting in at a dystopia society that uses what? for power & light source. windmills? solar? i guess that one will be figured out eventually….