page 3 of lizard brain

so i started this page weeks ago.
then one of my dogs tore up the page. i adopted two sisters of a cattle dog persuasion. they are only half grown and are so naughty. between their shopping on my desk and my kids’s shopping on my desk, it’s a wonder i get any pages out at all.

also,
depression.
even though i am doing a comic about the destructive voices in my head, it is still difficult to do said artwork when i am depressed. overwhelmed. generally ready to crawl in a hole and never come out.

i’m not sure what happens next. maybe i will get some moses jones done. i have been hankering to work on that comic for awhile.
also! i started playing with a story i started when my niece was like 4. that niece has now graduated from college. so maybe i should finish my story, at least.
i wrote it as a screenplay.
i am adapting it to be prose…with pictures. not a graphic novel. just, you know, an illustrated story.
strangely, the dynamics of the two main characters (written, like i said, 20 years ago?) are reflective of the dynamics between my ex & i. you know, dusty. the male lead even looks like him. i wrote it before i started doing more autobiographical fiction. he came out of my imagination. fuck, maybe i predicted him…or worse, maybe i wrote him into existence. yikes.

speaking of the topic of autobiographical fiction. i just finished reading john irving’s latest novel, the avenue of miracles. i love love love john irving. this novel, not so much. parts of it were amazing. other parts were half-hearted. but! he often discusses memoir fiction vs. fiction from the imagination. while reading it, i started writing an essay. i think i will eventually finish that essay that is not quite memoir…not quite pure imagination…but all me and how i feel while reading a john irving novel.

i think i had another point to make or story to share, but i had to stop typing to have a fight with my eight year old who seems to believe i am not allowed to live a life other than as his devoted and single-minded mother.

poop.

doodlin’ the dog.

that sounds entirely inappropriate.

however! i spent some time last night watching old reruns of SNL while working on the characters for trials of the moonfish. so far, there is the girl, the dog, and the airship itself. i realized yesterday i was giving bluejean much the same dog as moses jones. seeing as there are already so many other resemblances between bluejean & moses jones (for some reason i tend to draw my heroines to resemble their creator…is this a god complex?), i figured i should alter her dog. (haha–inside joke with myself, i used to work in an animal shelter.)

so this is what i got.

i really feel like my style is improving. i am feeling a lot more confidant with my creations–and thinking things like, “i can do that!” rather than the contrary. i was really happy with this drawing…although it looks really familiar to me? am i channeling a drawing i have seen before?

the smudgy dog nose can be explained in last night’s post.

promise, next thing i do i will finish the next page of moses jones. i already have a thumbnail sketch done and have paneled out the page.

it could happen..any..minute..now….

being invisible is easy; it’s being VISIBLE that takes super powers….

in fact, i spent most of high school invisible. maybe i’ve gotten so good at being invisible that i no longer know how to be visible…if, in fact, i ever knew how to be visible. i was a pretty shy & quiet kid.

anyhoo. i spent a lot of today goofing off on my laptop and wondering why exactly i am not an internet sensation. but i did work a bit more on my page of sketches for in-the-works comics. i like where i’m going with bluejean, but realized i am giving her almost the same dog that moses & the gang has, a cattle dog. so then i started working on a border collie/cattle dog mix. that’s when misha discovered she could lick her finger and smear the ink as i was drawing. misha is three now. “three year old,” in my experience, translates to “asshole.” i suppose it didn’t help that i was so flabbergasted at her audacity that i burst out laughing.

smudged dog 003smudged dog 005

maybe i will work on the dog more tonight. as she sleeps & recharges.

also! i entered chuck wendig’s flash fiction contest:

http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2015/03/27/flash-fiction-challenge-you-filthy-weirdos/

with a short story i wrote a million years ago that was once published on a web magazine called danse macabre. my story, however, has been since archived and the archives have been dumped. but it’s a pretty decent story, fitting the theme of “fuck you, clean reader” as it is a dialogue about profanity in literature. i put it up over on a tumblr blog that i use to specifically showcase my art & writing:

i need to work on my powers of visibility.

more confusion perfume

more confusion perfume

so i have started some sketches of side characters that squat in the same house as moses jones, but i may not have them done until late tonight when i can work relatively uninterrupted….

meanwhile, here’s another old old one of mine. it’s timely too because just last night i locked myself in the bathroom & cut off a bunch of my hair. i think i am a short-haired chick. i try to grow it long, but that just doesn’t make sense to me. plus my hair is super dense & course & like a thicket. so i trimmed & thinned & filled the shower with so so so much hair–yet i am somehow not even close to being bald. it is therapeutic. i started growing it out again because the dad of my kids likes me with long hair. but you know what? fuck him. i’m a short-haired chick.

ps. i miss my dog. that’s him in the comic. or, the comic version of him. in the comic his name is stinky. he was a good dog even if he was condescending & questioned everything i did. he was 14 when he died, and we had been together since he was 7 weeks old. i almost named him “johnny melloncamp” but didn’t…. i should have though–that would have really pissed him off.
rest in peace, norman. i miss you.