waiting for keanu

i have a new laptop! and a new digital camera! (thanks student loans!)

and my drawing class is going great…(my digital art class not so much….)

my professor wants me to go epic with my graphic novelling. he gave me a rolled up sheet of paper to do a huge page with. meanwhile, my larger page is almost done.

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i totally should be done by now. but i had to go to court for a disorderly conduct charge & that had me too neurotic to draw for way too long. but, note to self, any dude who is going to put you in the position to get a disorderly conduct charge is not a dude who is worth getting charged with disorderly conduct over–especially if he also cheats, lies, and treats the mother of his children like poo. so new leaf turning time. i need to dedicate my passion to my art & children…not to their absent father. in my comic i have him physically absent–but in real life he is emotionally absent.

up top is an in process rendering of my very first comic venture as a child–hey, diddle diddle. i think i will do just the one page. or more. but more as prints than as a continuing story. but, as of today, i have decided to write a graphic novel about all the fucked-up-ness of all my relationships and title it waiting for keanu. maybe i will make that one epic as well….

(keanu, where are you? i’m waiting…come home!)

slowly i creep…

i paneled two pages. inked the first layer of ink onto one. i did that two nights ago, while watching dexter. i didn’t get to work more on it yesterday as i was struggling to fight off a crippling case of zombie-ism. or flu season is starting early this year…. but i pumped my body full of immune boosting foods and slept a lot. so i can comic on!

physically i feel much better today. though i’ve been in a bit of a funk, feeling like a failure at most of life–relationships, parenting, being an artist & writer…so it came as a very pleasant surprise to find out that moses jones had received her first donation!! sarah over at problems with infinity–who has been very supportive of moses jones since our comics first crossed paths, donated to my efforts to continue! yay! it feels so awesome to accept that people like my comic enough to help me. it feels good. i feel good.

money brings to mind what i need to invest in to make a better comic & better art and to bring that comic and art to its audience. a new camera. i did a little research. in order to make prints of my work, i need either a better digital camera, a really kick-ass scanner/printer, and-or a good relationship with a print shop. money. also! i am just a few pages away from the end of episode two of moses jones, which means i will be making a second zine. plus, for zine fest, i will need to make more copies of episode one. money money.

i am hoping to get financial aid. i was late applying for it this year & even though school starts in less than 2 weeks, i still don’t know if i will be able to supplement rent & zines, much less pay for classes. i asked for a loan from one of my sisters. i’m using a credit card (i avoid using credit cards…but….)

money.

i wish we lived in a society of trade. i have so many homemade things to trade. kimchi, chocolate chip cookies, life advice, hugs, drawings, an ear for listening, mead, elixer, entertaining stories, bread, blanket forts…. as it is, i am just giving these things away. stop by if you need any!

alas. money. stupid money.

so i have to either figure out a way to topple the monetary system (i am jack’s smirking revenge) or find a way to make my art into money….

either way, new pages soon! pages 36 & 37 are becoming ink on paper.

money, money

the end of the month looms large and rents want to be paid…as well as a bill for internet, gas & electric, car insurance, credit card bills….

i am a broke-ass mama. dusty needs a raise. i need to make money. he won’t ask for a raise, and i let every injury cripple me and convince myself that there is no way in hell anyone would ever pay me for art…or writings…or, god forbid, art & writings such as moses jones.

i will keep creating whether or not i get paid for it. as i posted yesterday, i want to draw.

but wouldn’t getting paid be nice? wouldn’t it be nice to not lay awake at night wondering how i will pay the bills? wouldn’t it be nice to not have to borrow? wouldn’t it be nice to have enough money that i could, in turn, support other artists?

so i guess i will try. i am going to try to create single works that can be made into print. maybe try to sell small prints & cards with my artwork on them. i’m going to try.

any advice, encouragement, magic confidence powder…etc. would be appreciated on the matter.

or, if you are just feeling generous, i do have a “support an artist” paypal donate link on my sidebar. if someone were to donate, i would hope i could repay them with some original art. but i’m a mess right now…so i can’t make any promises.

i’m talking to you too, universe. putting it out there. i am more than wiling to support my family with my art–but a little seed money–a little encouragement–would be greatly appreciated.

while my children scream at me

i sneak away to my scanner….
since my camera is sad these days, i will try scanning more. since i have a home again, i will try scanning more.

i finally have the right ink in my pens. though this page was done before it occurred to me that i could dump the wrong ink out of my pen and refill it with the right ink. i was just trying to run it out by using my pen. my pen was not digging that and no amount of shaking or tapping was getting it to draw. so this journal page is a bit rough. also, i was using styles that aren’t mine. just for fun.

iggy called the bikini top “weed boob sacks”–ha!

i’m still reading amanda palmer’s book. i am tempted to contact her. maybe i will. she touts her own accessibility quite a lot in her book, however, i am new to the fan base…and i think i just rub people the wrong way–so i dread contacting her & being ignored. as she says in her book, social rejection hurts as much as physical pain. it does. plus, i realize that i may never be good at asking. as a child, i was ignored by my parents. the fourth of six, they just kinda forgot about me. they were pretty lackluster parents to begin with, and i was lost in the shuffle. instead of making a ruckus–like poppy does (i admire his 4th child technique of constantly demanding he get at least equal consideration, even though said technique exhausts me!)–instead of demanding attention–i decided to disappear. my feeling, even as a young child, was that if they weren’t going to give me the attention i deserved, i would not stoop to ask for it.

and i didn’t.

and now the art of asking is an art that i cannot grasp.

though i need to.

so how do i start interacting on a better level with my fan base? how do i reach out to people? how do i become human? these are the puzzles i occupy myself with these days. i hope to figure it out. being a successful artist & writer is important to me, but it may never happen if i do not learn how to interact with my audience.

ay fuck.

as for moses jones…my living room is still full of the wrong furniture & unpacked boxes. my desk sits amidst the mess, calling to me. hopefully, i will get the excess furniture & boxes out of the living room tonight so i can set up my desk & feel like myself again. and get some pages of mojo out to y’all. soon!

benefactor needed…now more than ever

my camera…she dies slowly. my laptop…she is four years old and easily over-heated. my new apartment…she is very very expensive to a struggling artist-writer mama and her dusty cohort (who is a very talented cook & grossly underpaid.)

i need confidence and a benefactor.

i am returning to school this fall, taking a class in confidence–er, digital media. i’m hoping to feel more competitive with freelance work once i feel more confident about creating digitally.

i am reading amanda palmer’s the art of asking. okay, i haven’t yet gotten the introduction read, but it is on my kitchen table waiting for me to have a free moment to focus. i am hoping it will be so damned inspirational that i have no choice but to fly out of my little hole in the ground and start molesting people with my awesomeness…er…or, maybe i misunderstood the book jacket message….

i have a new apartment! & internet!

but no furniture. i live in the college town of madison and all the fucking uhauls are rented through 5:15pm on sunday, august 16th. holy fuck. so we are living on the bare minimum of furniture, dishes, & utensils. i have my cast iron skillets with me and am seeing what all they can be used for. i did make a cheesecake for misha’s birthday in a cast iron skillet. cheesecake pans are for pussies (or, people who can afford cheesecake pans.)

i draw. i write bad poetry. i pace. i wince as my children shriek. (how did i give birth to FOUR shrieking children?? my poor neighbors. please don’t hate me new neighbors.) i am an artist.

next week, i will have a desk…maybe. with a desk to draw upon–the world will be my oyster.

i’m still here! i’m still here!!

another rerun….

i have been doodling and could post a picture accordingly, but i don’t feel like walking downstairs & finding my camera to take a picture of my artwork. plus, my canon digital camera is acting as if it does not have much longer to live. if i have any benefactors out there…hint. hint. too many kids dropping said camera after massaging it with sticky fingers, i suppose.

but i am doodling. exercising my pens, as it were, who are much happier now that i have started shaking them loose.

i am still–still still still–between homes. we had to move out of the abandoned house we were squatting in. we went back to dusty’s sister’s house, but after a fight with dusty, i packed up the minions and went to my brother’s house in my gloriously flat home state of illiniois. at least my brother keeps his fridge stocked with beer.

why did dusty & i fight? spoilers! the other woman factor…which will be addressed in comic form eventually. the other fucking woman. as if moses jones is not enough woman for any man?? phih-shaw!

so i drove off…as i will…moving my babies for the fourth time this summer. but my brother’s house, as i said, has more beer…and has fewer (none) pitbulls. there is one cranky golden lab mix however. a lot more room! a trampoline even! iggy should be in seventh heaven, but iggy is iggy and like his dusty daddy, he is hard to please.

forgive me, i babble a bit. must be the well-stocked beer fridge.

in one week…one week! if dusty & i work out our differences…in one week, we will be sleeping in our own beds and irritating our own neighbors. so exciting. in one week, i will have a space of my own once more.

and the art will flow!

until then, don’t forget me. (i have not forgotten you.)

more on my dead printer

sadly, this is about all my printer/copier/and most importantly–scanner is good for now.  a place to rest.  headed for its own resting place at HP Consumer Buyback & Planet Partners Recycling Program.  (check it out for recycling your technology!)

i figured out that i can still post photos here.  of course, photos of my work might not be as clear, but that is an option while i figure out if & how i can get a new scanner to upload my art.  of course, my poor camera has a limited lifespan as well and tends to fall apart every time it is dropped on the floor by sticky little kids.  and my laptop–also sticky and abused.  having four kids.  technology not made to last.  not a good mix for a poor mother.  my minions abuse my toys, and it is expensive to replace said toys.  i’m afraid the death of my scanner is just a prelude to a technological strike amid my household electronics.

on the topic of my art & moses jones.  slowly.  slowly the wheels of progress turn.

not the devil

not the devil

just another old person with animal parts. i will run out of these soon. i am saving my favorites for last. meanwhile, i do know what happens on the next page of moses jones but have not had a chance to write it down or do a preliminary sketch to figure page layout, etc. hopefully tonight! being an overtime mom & a halftime student really puts limits on one’s time & energy. trust me, you don’t have to try it yourself–unless you are so inclined.

mama/artist/student…not for the timid nor the weak of heart!

but i love it.

again, if anyone wants to be my benefactor so i can hire a personal assistant & get more art produced, i would not be too proud to take help.

here is my kudu horned fella. he looks very devilish, but that wasn’t necessarily the intent.

i wondered while i was doing this project if the old people were morphing towards their next life or if the animal bits were symbolic of the naturalness of aging…or if their animal nature became more exposed with age…. hmmm…might make a good comic…..

weener coop

weener coop

so i started this comic to work out some of my angst whilst living in a cooperative house…turns out a person like me should not live amongst (i am going to keep using st words if i can) a bunch of people with vastly different morals than my own…. so i started writing this comic, and i really like it & would love to move forth with it, but like everything else in my life, i am being conspired against by four little people whose motives i have not yet figured out.

anyhoo, here i will post the first several pages & should there be an outcry of folks just needing more–i would require a bit of grant money to hire a personal assistant so that i have a free hand to create something other than children–but i would love to one day finish this series.

here it is…weener coop….