page 32

here is page 32. i was hoping to have it ready yesterday. but today is better than tomorrow.

i keep falling asleep. i have poppy, who is 18 months, and misha, who is three and a half. my evenings are spent getting them ready for bed and helping them fall asleep. lately, i have fallen asleep with them. so my bedtime is around 7 or 8 lately. i usually wake up again around 10:30 or 11 but am not motivated to work on moses jones as i am usually pretty sleepy and end up spending quality time with dusty.

austin kleon, whom i have fallen out of love with, says if you want to–you can find time to do art. i want to, but with a large family and a precarious relationship with dusty that needs its fair share of attention. art, whom i love with all my heart, has to wait for me. i have to take care of my kids. i have to sleep. i have found–through trial & error–that i have to commit time to make a relationship with dusty work. ….& i have to do art. but of all the above, art is the one that can be put on a back burner. granted, i get grumpy without art. i get a bit depressed & distressed. but art waits for me. and, eventually, i do find the time for it.

i have determined that austin kleon’s audience is a more privileged class of people. i dunno. young & upwardly with sanity, time, and male genitalia…. his books were not meant for half-crazy mothers of four with a history of trouble. no worries. i actually already know everything he tells in his book. of course, i have been around. paying attention. succeeding & failing. i am relatively old in the game of art, and austin kleon writes his books to a younger version of himself. so i guess i shouldn’t be surprised that it doesn’t apply to crazy older mamas like me.

maybe i should write a book for the rest of us…hmmm…. (& when do i find time to do that?)

page 32. finished last night when i managed to survive the babies’ bedtime because i had to pee too bad to fall asleep. page 33 is not yet written, but i think i have it in my head.

i was going to point out what bugs me–what i feel like i messed up in page 32–but i have decided not to. because i think, overall, i am doing a good job and i really like my subtlety with shadows on this page.