what keeps me busy

i am so wrapped up in house hunting. i think of little else. plans. back-up plans. panic attacks and deep funks. i hate house hunting. house hunting when four little people are involved is…oh my god…how do i do this? today we are meeting with a single woman who is entertaining the idea of renting part of her home to us. i think about someone else having to live with my children and i find myself thinking, “i don’t even want to live with them–how can i ask a stranger to?”

okay. i don’t always feel this way about the minions. lately is just…special. poppy is grumpy. iggy is grumpy. i am grumpy. we act and react to each other all day long.

page 004

meanwhile, in my comic process, i did manage to draw something. just a journal page. but it turned out kinda cool. also, in my quest to be a better artist, i am reading the gift by lewis hyde. it is taking me awhile to read it. just snippets here and there when i’m not wrapped up in needy kids or house hunting. but so far so good. i am finally in the second half which is more applied towards artists. i will let you know what i think.

that’s all i can update you on today. poppy is screaming at me and iggy is screaming at fidgit. yay. good times.

page 32

here is page 32. i was hoping to have it ready yesterday. but today is better than tomorrow.

i keep falling asleep. i have poppy, who is 18 months, and misha, who is three and a half. my evenings are spent getting them ready for bed and helping them fall asleep. lately, i have fallen asleep with them. so my bedtime is around 7 or 8 lately. i usually wake up again around 10:30 or 11 but am not motivated to work on moses jones as i am usually pretty sleepy and end up spending quality time with dusty.

austin kleon, whom i have fallen out of love with, says if you want to–you can find time to do art. i want to, but with a large family and a precarious relationship with dusty that needs its fair share of attention. art, whom i love with all my heart, has to wait for me. i have to take care of my kids. i have to sleep. i have found–through trial & error–that i have to commit time to make a relationship with dusty work. ….& i have to do art. but of all the above, art is the one that can be put on a back burner. granted, i get grumpy without art. i get a bit depressed & distressed. but art waits for me. and, eventually, i do find the time for it.

i have determined that austin kleon’s audience is a more privileged class of people. i dunno. young & upwardly with sanity, time, and male genitalia…. his books were not meant for half-crazy mothers of four with a history of trouble. no worries. i actually already know everything he tells in his book. of course, i have been around. paying attention. succeeding & failing. i am relatively old in the game of art, and austin kleon writes his books to a younger version of himself. so i guess i shouldn’t be surprised that it doesn’t apply to crazy older mamas like me.

maybe i should write a book for the rest of us…hmmm…. (& when do i find time to do that?)

page 32. finished last night when i managed to survive the babies’ bedtime because i had to pee too bad to fall asleep. page 33 is not yet written, but i think i have it in my head.

i was going to point out what bugs me–what i feel like i messed up in page 32–but i have decided not to. because i think, overall, i am doing a good job and i really like my subtlety with shadows on this page.